Perhaps my biggest weakness is my constant state of want.
In some respects, it’s built into my character. I love to research. I love to create. And often times that leads me to scrolling through Pinterest or admiring peers on Facebook. In turn, admiration leads to wanting.
My wanting comes from a place of continually looking ahead. I plan, research, make goals and dreams. Whether it’s something for tomorrow, or something for five years from now, I find myself living outside this moment. More recently I’ve been asking myself: Am I content with where I am now?
The reality is that I don’t know. I perpetually live beyond this moment that I rarely look introspectively and spend time in reflection. Life is busy, and without being intentional about slowing down I will continue to race right past for the constant seeking after tomorrow.
By living in want, I feign control. By living in want, I lose sight of my genuine needs. By living in want, I don’t hand everything over to God.
And so this morning I woke up with God singing in my ear, “I want you to want me.” In serenading me, in pleading with me, He was calling me back to Him.
What if I spent more of my time dwelling on His character, on His word, on His kingdom here on earth than on the material things of this world? What if I fought against my natural desire to conform to this world and instead drew near to God?
It’s those very questions that I should search for answers in God instead of in Google. (Because really, who has all of the answers?)
For the month of March I want to stop wanting of this world and start wanting of my Father. I’m challenging myself to save instead of purchase, to read instead of research, to pray instead of plan.
One day at a time I will work against my wanting of things in exchange for a relationship with my God, and His community, that will continually bring more fulfillment, challenges, grace, and peace than consumerism ever will.
(If I keep typing I don’t have to face the negative feelings of change, right?)
Ready… set… go!